Hump Day Humor - SUMBICH!

SUMBICH!

A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors.

He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool, and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Hump Day Humor: HUSBAND WANTED

HUSBAND WANTED

A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED!

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

....

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!"

Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Three Mice

Three Badass Mice

Three mice sit in a bar. The first one brags, "I am one bad ass mouse! In my hood, we have huge mousetraps. I take the damn cheese out of all of them."

The second one brags, "Well, I'm a bad ass mouse too. In my hood, I mix rat poison with my milk and chug it down every night before I go to bed."

The third gets up and starts to leave. The other two mice both yell, "Hey chicken, where do you think you're going?"

The third one replies, "Going home to fuck the cat."

In Honor of Henry Ford

In honor of Henry Ford who gave us the assembly line and the muscle car.

SALUTE!!!!!!!!!

Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention, the assembly line for the automobile, changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the gate takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "Hey, aren't You the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford, “You have some major design flaws in Your invention:

l. There's too much front end protrusion
2. It chatters at high speeds
3. The rear end wobbles too much, and
4. The intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. 

The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it.  "It may be that My invention is flawed," God replies to Henry Ford, "but according to My Computer, more men are riding My invention than yours."

~~~~~~~~~~

Cheers!!!!

A Cat Tale

A CAT TALE

A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends. "Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed, "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband! He'll be so freaking mad if it's not ready on time."

When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg, and garnished it with the lettuce leaf. She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner. To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.

"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day."

Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish. She told her golf partners about it, and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.

Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"

The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him. He fell off the windowsill while he was licking his butt."

~~~~~~~~~~~~  

Cheers!

Review Driving Mr. Dead by Molly Haper

Title: Driving Mr. Dead (spinoff of Jane Jameson series)
Author: Molly Harper
Source: Self purchase (ebook version)
Genre: Paranormal romance/humor
Length: Short Story (146 pgs)

Review Truly, Madly by Heather Webber

Truly, Madly; book one in Lucy Valentine series
Author: Heather Webber
genre mystery
mass paperback 305 pgs
Authors website

Meet Lucy Valentine; sassy, fabulously original…and psychic.

Lucy hails from a long line of matchmakers known as Valentine INC. According to family legend, the Valentines have been blessed by Cupid with the ability to help couples find true love. Trouble is Lucy’s powers were zapped away by an electrical surge and now all she can find are lost objects.

But what good is that in the matchmaking world?

Lucy is about to find out when she tries to solve a murder and winds up falling into a romance of her own

My review

Sexual- Zero in this one

Captivating and full of humor!!! This was a wonderful read. I have always loved humor, and this page turner hit my humor spot. I would recommend this book for those that loves a good mystery, adventure, humor and a wonderful cast of characters. This book also holds some paranormal aspects, but this is not a romance novel, so there is no HEA or sex.

This is a fun book about Lucy running her family match-making service for a couple of weeks. The thing is Lucy has a touch of physic in her. After she takes over for the first day she has a client that she really wants to help and when she touches him she sees a missing ring, the thing is its on a dead body. From here Lucy gets in deep and between running the match-making service, trying to solve the mystery of the ring and help the client, she also goes out to help a little boy. But wait that’s not all she also has sparks that starts up with a certain PI named Sean. Needless to say she has her hands full.

My favorite passage

Sean as he is putting the shovel back in the car he asks “What now ? Should we rob a bank or something to make our day complete?”
Lucy “No need to be sarcastic”
Sean “Forgive me, but I don’t dig up dead people everyday”

Review: Blond with a Wand by Vicki Lewis Thompson

Blond with a Wand (Babes-on-Brooms series book 1)
Author: Vicki Lewis Thompson
Witch
Paranormal romance Paperback 336 pgs
Authors website

Summary:
Sexy witch Anica Revere has one rule: never under any circumstances get involved with a man before telling him she's a witch. Still, what's one silly rule? Especially when the guy in question is as cute as Jasper Danes. But when Anica and Jasper have a spat, she breaks an ever bigger rule of witchcraft and turns him into a cat. Bad news for him. Worse for her...

Laurie's review

This book is brilliant! I had a very hard time putting it down when I had things in the real world to do. This book is loaded with humor that kept me laughing thought out the book.

Few *spoilers* below

Ancia puts a spell on Jasper and turns him in to a cat, they both have an adventure together trying to change him back into a man. In the mean time he changes back in forth between man to cat, he has to learn how to cope with life as a cat this is where the fun part comes in. Imagine if you were a cat what could you possibility get in to. Here is a few; Ancia already has a cat, so you know how two tom cats gets along, plus her neighbor loves to neuter cats. The last one I’m giving out is in order for Jasper to get things done he has to use a computer, so imagine waking up to a cat typing away on a computer trying to solve his problem. What little I just told is the tip of the iceberg of what fun is in this book, if you like humor in your PNR this one is a great read.

This is a fun ride, Thompson does a great job telling the story of Jasper being a cat and falling in love for the woman who put him there.

The next book Chick with a Charm will be release out in March 2010, so there no big wait