Fashionably Dead by Robyn Peterman ~ Review

Title: Fashionably Dead (Hot Damned #1)

Author: Robyn Peterman
Genre: Urban Fantasy, Paranormal Romance
Length: 323 pages
Publisher: Indie
Release Date: September 2, 2013
Source: Purchase
Rating: 3
Heat Rating: 4
Reviewed by: Jasmyn

Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.

At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?

Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator.

To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One.

Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.

Before diving into a Robyn Peterman story a reader must know a few things:
1. Her humor is crude, but lovely - and way over the top in all the best ways
2. Her heroine will have a dirty mouth and a dirty mind
3. Things will get a bit ridiculous - but they are supposed to

So, if that sounds like something up your alley, then you will love these books.  When Astrid goes to be hypnotized to stop smoking and is turned into a vampyre instead, she isn't sure the amazing body she ended up with was worth not being able to eat her favorite ice cream. When she's paired with a potty-mouth guardian angel and a fairy warrior that channels his inner Schwarzenegger, things start getting really good.

Astrid has a lot of decisions ahead of her - which vampyre house to join (read sorority) and whether or not she should fall for the handsome Ethan - or one of the many other beyond gorgeous vampyre men around her.

Lots of laughs, lots of action (in every possible way), and a good dose of raunchy humor. The only drawback was that I really disliked some of the side characters. And I think I was supposed to like them. Hopefully they'll work out in the long run because I really love the rest of the story.

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Review: Cop a Fee by Robyn Peterman

Title: Cop a Feel (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #3)

Author: Robyn Peterman
Source: Self-Purchased
Genre: Contemporary Romance, Romantic Comedy
Length: Novel
Release Date: January 1, 2014
Reviewed by: Jasmyn

Rating – 4
Sexual – 4

When you get time off for bad behavior, romance is the last thing on your mind--but good old-fashioned lust is a whole different story. . .

Life undercover isn't exactly one big party--not when you're a DEA agent--but it sure beats a desk job. Except when you screw up big and someone has to go in and clean up after you. In that case, even paper-pushing sounds better than babysitting an erotic romance writer with as many enemies as there are euphemisms for "throbbing manhood."

I've been taking down drug dealers for so long, playing bodyguard to a woman named Shoshanna Lehump sounds like nothing more than a giant pain in my ass-- and being partnered with the gorgeous egotistical jerk I never should have slept with in the first place just makes a bad situation even harder--especially when he pursues me as diligently as we're supposed to be chasing the bad guys...What's a girl have to do to get a happy ending anyway?

How Hard Can it Be (Handcuffs & Happily Ever Afters #1): Review
Size Matters (Handcuffs & Happily Ever Afters #2): Review

This one wasn't quite as good as the first two in the series.  Now, since the first two were huge 5 star books for me, that means this one was still pretty darn good.  We met Candy in book two as an undercover DEA agent and sister to the main man.  In Cop a Feel, it's her turn to find love.  She's a hard ass undercover agent that doesn't believe in love (even though she's seen it with her brother's life).  She live for her work and that's about all she has.  When she realizes she's attached to not David she runs for the hills and promises to never call him again.  It doesn't help that she found out he never told her his real name.

Not David, aka Luke, has quite a few surprises up his sleeve that I don't want to give away.  He and Candy are assigned to protect Shoshanna LeHump (a return character from book one) from death threats.  Their assignment takes them on quite a wild and hilarious ride to a special convention with an amazing name.  Their romance really blooms and past wounds are healed here in some very unexpected ways.  There are a lot of touching moments that really surprised me.  There was also a lot of the humor I've grown to love from Robyn Peterman and who seems to come up with new words and phrases for sex and body parts with every book she writes.

The downside to this one was that I had a hard time really connecting.  A lot of the scenes weren't as natural and flowing as they were in the first two books and I just didn't relate to the characters as easily.  Don't get me wrong, they were still great characters and scenes.  Robyn just set the bar very very high and this one just didn't quite reach my expectations.

The ending was beautiful.  I loved Aunt Moon Unit's appearance and the final scene was so full of Happily Ever After-ness it was sickening in an amazingly romantic way.  I don't know if this is the end of the series.  There was an opening for a possible new romance and I really hope Robyn takes it and runs with it.  I love these characters and the fact that we get to see them over and over again even after their story is told.

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Review: Size Matters (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1) by Robyn Peterman

Title: Size Matters (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1)
Author: Robyn Petermon
Source: Self-Purchase
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Length: Novel
Release Date: December 19, 2013
Reviewed by: Jasmyn

Rating - 5
Sexual - 4

A few hard truths...Don’t bet on Hasselhoff, Bigfoot might actually exist, and searching
for the impossible may lead you to your heart’s desire...

It’s a big fat hairy deal when I lose yet another bet to my best friend, Rena. Not only do I end up attending Bigfoot meetings with her kooky Aunt Phyllis, I find myself traveling with a band of reality TV, Sasquatch-hunting nut-jobs! Not to mention a suspiciously shady film crew. As if those little nuggets weren’t enough to send me on the express-train to Crazytown...I stupidly swore off men!

Clearly all this would mess up any gal’s social life, but the worst part of the story? The minute I send my libido on vacation, I meet Mitch. Yep, Mitch, the sexiest cop ev-ah. The hottest, best kissing, finest tushied, SINGLE guy I’ve ever laid eyes on. I’d rather be hot on his trail than anything that involves the word Big or Foot. But sometimes what you’re hunting for has been right in front of you all along …

How Hard Can it Be (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1): Review
Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1.5) SPOOF: Review

I'm not sure where to start with this one.  It had me practically falling out of my chair laughing with so many random and ridiculous things.  Aunt Moon Unit (as she prefers to called), the two mean old lady lesbians, a bigfoot hunt, and a reality TV show leave so many openings for hilarity and Robyn Peterman grabs each and ever one of them.

Kristy's story all begins with a lost bet with her best friend Rena - infamous author of the carreer ending romance Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures.  While you don't have to know Rena's story from book one to enjoy Kristy's - there are a lot of small things that really make you giggle that you may miss.  Kristy has sworn off cops after her most recent disaster, and refuses to let herself fall any further Mitch the super hunk with a man-butt to die for.  Kristy has an issue with her brain to mouth filter around him, so she has some extremely humourous conversations.

Mitch is apparently a god come to earth full of super hotness and sexiness.  You don't really get a feel for what he's all about (other than Kristy) since the story is told strictly from Kristy's point of view.  I do love how he fights for what he wants and is willing to take some pretty drastic measures, too.

Most of the story takes place on the Big Foot hunt in Duluth.  Yes, an honest to goodness Big Foot hunt using the Big Foot bible as a reference for behavioral traits that may leave evidence behind.  There is always something going on with the crazy crew Kristy is traveling with, and her life just keeps getting more and more interesting and a very insane sort of way.  This book is a great book to pick up and fly through in an afternoon.  You really don't realize how much you've read until you're just about done and realize all your characters are about to get their HEA's.  Please read this if you're in desperate need of a laugh - even the grumpiest will have to chuckle a few times.

Goodreads - Amazon - Barnes & Noble 

And for any Robyn Peterman fans out there - make sure to check out the Indie Romance Convention.  She's signed up as an attending author for 2014, which means she should be at the book signing and hanging around a bit in general.  

Review: Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures by Robyn Peterman

Title: Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1.5)
Author: Robyn Peterman
Source: Amazon Freebie
Genre: Spoof - PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE
Length: Novella
Release Date: May 22, 2013
Reviewed by: Jasmyn

Rating - 4
Sexual - 5

** Special Note from Author Robyn Peterman ** This is a spoof. A profane romance
spoof not meant for anyone under 18. I was threatened lovingly and repeatedly by my readers to write the full version of Pirate Dave. He was born of the need to create a horrific career ending romance novel to destroy a really bad, nasty villainess . . . and Thank you Buddha in a tube top, it worked! I laughed my way through writing this and I hope you will enjoy this small slice of my warped brain. NO, this is not what I normally write, but I certainly had a good time penning it! If you want to read the real romance story, you’ll have to peruse HOW HARD CAN IT BE? You’ll find the first three chapters at the end of the hot mess you’re about to read . . . And now, I give you the career ending novella, (hopefully not mine) otherwise known as PIRATE DAVE AND HIS RANDY ADVENTURES.

After all was said and done, the disgusting novella meant to destroy a story stealing New York Time’s best-selling author’s career was successful. Rena Gunderschlict, an accountant with no discernible literary talent, and her band of adorable porno writing grannies came up with the worst piece of literature, (and I use that word loosely), that was ever written. Amazingly enough, it became a cult classic. Who in the hell knew there was an underground need to know and love a Time-Traveling Vampire Warlock with erectile dysfunction and his conjoined lady loves, Laverne and Shirley?

Apparently the need is there and now so is the full version of their story .

This book will make absolutely no sense unless you have read book one - which was beyond amazing!

How Hard Can It Be (Handcuffs and Happily Ever Afters #1): Review

What can I say - Pirate Dave & His Randy Adventures was as horribly awful as I expected - it was beyond hilarious and can totally see why it was a career killing novel.  Seeing the whole story in one piece makes me love How Hard Can It Be even more.  Please keep in mind that this book has done exactly what it was supposed to.  It wasn't supposed to be a work of serious literature (or possible be considered literature at all).  It is a spoof at it's best and I laughed the whole way through.

You must all go and read book one (which is a really amazing romantic comedy) so can chuckle along with me when you read this one.

Goodreads - Amazon - Barnes & Noble

Non-Paranormal Review: How Hard Can It Be by Robyn Peterman

Title: How Hard Can It Be
Author: Robyn Peterman
Source: NetGalley
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Length: Novel
Release Date: January 17, 2013
Reviewer: Jasmyn

What happens when an accountant decides to grab life by the horns and try something new?  Apparently a pirate named Dave, a lo of pastel fleece, and blackmail - just to start with...

Visualize and succeed, Oprah said.  I was sure as hell trying, even if my campaign to score a job as the local weather girl had ended in a restraining order.  Okay, TV was not my strength.  But a lack of talent has never stopped me before.  Which is why I've embarked on a writing career.  I mean, how hard can it be to come up with a sexy romance?

Leave it to me to wind up in group of grandmotherly porno writers who discuss sex toys and apple cobbler in the same breath.  Also leave it to me to leak an outlandish plot idea to a bestselling author with the morals of a rabid squirrel.  And only I could get arrested for a jewelry heist I didn't commit - by a hunky cop whose handcuffs just might tempt me to sign up for a life of crime.  Maybe I've found my calling after all...